Pak Affairs

A Business Proposal for President Pervaiz Busharraf

Dear Mr. Purvez Busharaf,
It is such an undesirable pleasure to have you (General Pervez s/o Musharraf) as our rammed president…

For the past nine years, you have proved yourself far better than your predecessors and it is hard to find anyone even to match the level of virtues that you were borne with… the history of million years flunks entirely whenever it is necessitated to set forth even a single instance of any swayer unconstrained by laws and ethical values…Sir, we regret to point out that, at times it becomes very disappointing to see some erred masses trying to equate that Egyptian Feron and Namrood of Babylon with you and your such integral characteristics that they were never cursed with…

Mr. President, I truly consider it a reward of your sincere and unwearying efforts that you were able to meet the commitments that you had with your foreign masters. You did an excellent work by promoting Pakistani men and women as “commodities” in American markets. All the credit goes to you and your twisted prime ministers for playing a primal role to ensure Pakistan’s security by inviting and facilitating foreign powers to come and setup their colonies across our borders.

Sir, your such perceptive decisions have been a great constituent of promoting large number of such business opportunities for both foreigners and Pakistanis to exercise their skills and luck within and across the borders… There have never been such number of trading opportunities available to us… and we must admit that this is exactly what has encouraged us and we decided to take all our chances and start a brand new business… however, it is our earnest desire to initiate such multi dimensional activities on the best cartilage and therefore we have come to your doorsteps with a proposal to start it from your home…

Mr. President, everyone knows and believes that you have been selling Pakistani men @ US$ 5000/- each… and let us admit our lack of noesis that we were never able to think that you could give this human trafficking sector a new dimension by selling our Pakistani/Muslim women…

Though the enemies you have among your friendly FBI did try their best to impoverish your image and divest the credit from you. However, it just requires common sense to understand their motives… and we, therefore, all recognize wholeheartedly that it is truly a bewildering pleasance to have you as an army general cum president who is supporting commercialism on that large scale.

Sir, you might be well aware of the fact that we, the Pakistanis, call human traffickers “brokers” which can be further translated into Urdu or Punjabi and considered slang… therefore, do apologize us that for the moment being we are virtuously haled to conserve the dignity of president’s office and, therefore, you may please keep calling yourself “An American Proxy President in Pakistan” for a farther period… however, we gave you our words that once you disembarrass yourself from this undesirable situation, we will sure do our best to level you with the status and respect you deserve…

Mr. President, we take this opportunity and formally invite you to have such business transactions with Pakistani nationals… Previously, you were having deals with the United States of America and charging them an amount of US$ 5,000/- for each Pakistani male/female you sold them…

Mr. President…. may we pray that we, the Pakistanis, should be having more rights on local resources and business opportunities than your foreign masters… We initiate to take it as an agreed point and believe it to be the basic reason for sending you this offer letter… Since, we will be buying, selling and dealing with the local commodities, we, therefore, request that the mode of payment should be Pakistani currency and not US dollars… We expect you to support this idea for the largest interest of Pakistani Nation…

Mr. President we are raising an offer to buy your immediate family members. We will start our transactions from your mother, father(s), daughters, sons, brothers and sisters, @ Rs.5,000/- each… It is such an amazing offer that no one would have ever thought or heard about it before. We can ideate you jumping up from your seized seat with surprise…. Sir… it is truly your hardwork and allegiance that the United States of America will be having its rivals even in Pakistan to trade commodities that you have been able to produce…

Mr. President, we are pleased to explain the silent features of our offered deal…. It is our firm belief that you will be having a complete repose of mind. We, the Pakistani Muslims, will be treating your sold commodities with all the respect and dignity they deserve as Muslim/Pakistani men/women… We would never do anything that the United States of America have done with your previously sold commodities ie… our Pakistani/Muslim brothers and sisters held in Bigram and Guantanamo jails…

Mr. President, let me know how to transfer the said amount to your foreign accounts… and one more request that you don’t have to worry about the delivery… as we will be paying you their delivery charges as well… just like you have been paid by the USA…

Mr. President we believe to have a wonderful transactions and strong business relations in the future…

With the best regards

Rana Raheel Babar

on behalf of all Pakistanis

About the author

Rubab Saleem

Rubab Saleem is Editor of Pakistan Times

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